Name your baby Internetta.

I just sold a mug. That is all the action I've had all morning. On five cash registers, we have so far had 7 transactions and not made more than $50. I am telling you all this to illustrate how mind-numbingly slow work here can be.

I'm currently involved in, as far as my mind is concerned, a war. A chess game. Something. I feel like the wily little guy who hasn't got any power yet but is determined to prevail. I've got my Charmander and I'm gonna do something with it! Damn it! They are taking our internet away. Without reason, without any real announcement, just months of murmurs and whispers and paranoia whenever an IT guy rears his ugly head. They sit up in their IT chambers, wearing robes and creating crumbs and making intricate tangles of wires. They are lazy by nature. They think that "on call" means you have your cell phone with you on your weekend away in Tennessee. Never there when you need them, always there when you don't.

Yesterday we were open for three hours before anyone bought anything. There isn't anything to do. At Great Wolf, they said, "If its slow clean the windows. If you've already cleaned them, do it again. I don't care if you clean the windows 20 times." I would fold shirts obsessively there. I would crank up Radio Disney and fold and refold and refold and rehang and rehang and rehang. I made more money there. Here, I make nothing. Without disclosing my pitiful wage, I will tell you that, after two years of employment (4 years not counting a 4 month absence), I make only 50 cents more than when I started.

I work hard when there is work to be done. But for this much money, I ain't cleaning the windows no 20 times and that's a fact. A girl that worked here used to have a saying... "Minimum wage, minimum work."

And so, as our CEO parks in his new special-est birthday boy parking spot and sits in his office Tweeting, I get my internet taken away and am left with nothing to do but pick my nose and read 20,000 issues of Woman's World. Yes, I'm whining. Yes, its not THAT big of a deal and I know I will find things to do without the Internet. But nothing quite passes the day like having a good 5 hours to read news articles. And I have never been so well-informed as now. Not to mention that with so much time for these things, I feel compelled to waste no part of my off days on the time-obliterating Internet. Its the perfect balance--workdays are lightspeed with Internet fodder, offdays are long and productive and lazy all at once.

I feel that I am being treated like a child, and my natural inclination is to respond like a child and stamp my feet and whiiiiine. But I am determined to try to win this war. I will demand accountability from the IT lizards and their evil wires. They WILL clean up the disgusting wire tangles they have left beneath our computers. They WILL give me a reason that they are doing this. I know I can outsmart them. To me, its a game. And I'm going to win.