leashed initial deviation

I was a kid on a leash. Not a leash like today's Monkey Backpack Fake-Out Leashes, but a spiraled stretchy red one with velcro wrist cuffs. I can remember being attatched to it in only one memory in which I am at the zoo in a big crowd of people.

I tend to judge Leash Users. They generally just look lazy. Like somehow four adults can't keep track of one kid and so they have to leash the kid out of utter laziness. God forbid they have to, like, run after them.

But I know my parents aren't like that, they're just uber paranoid. I'm sure it was more just to be sure that no one grabbed me out of the crowd. I was such a vibrant and attractive child that it really makes a lot of sense.

The parents I see now, though, just seem to be lazy. They're generally not in a crowd. They stand there while their toddler tries and tries to get further than the leash will allow. Their kids behave worse on the leash than I would expect my dog to behave.

Ok, I don't have a dog. But I have had a dog. And you teach them to heel. So, if you are going to leash your child, in essence treating it like a dog, then at least have the decency to train it like a dog.

I can't believe there hasn't been some outrageous leash death story. Like a kid's leash gets stuck in a wood chipper and slowly pulls him towards SUDDEN DEATH. Then you could really be outraged when you saw a leashed kid. "Those things are DANGEROUS. How lazy are you?" So lazy that they'd rather put their kid through a wood chipper than run after them.

See how easy you can spin that?

I'm certainly not calling for blood, but you see what I mean.

(I am in no way suggesting that anyone put a child into a wood chipper. Just to be clear. Although you Mainstream Media Thugs are just going to take what I say out of context anyway.)

Or maybe some people could accidentally switch leashed kids and not realize it because they are ignoring their children entirely. That could be wacky.

I've always had this dream where there are things called "Lost Child Simulation Rooms". For instance, you'd have one of the Rooms in the mall. Then any unattended children who are either too young to be unattended or are causing a ruckus would be whisked off to this Room. When the parents realize that they're missing a kid (you know, after like FIVE hours have passed) then you take them to the Room and they can have their kid back. But not until it is explained to them that they were put in the Room to demonstrate how they could already be gone or have caused thousands of dollars in damages or at least really made someone hate their job.

It would probably have little effect but it would make the people that have to deal with said children feel better.

Do you think Octomom has 8 leashes and then they all get tangled up around her and she's wrapped in all the leashes, carrying a bunch of shopping bags? Well, don't worry, little one. In Heaven she does. In Heaven she does everyday. Now, go quietly into that gentle wood chipper, little leash martyr. Twas not in vain.

HEY! Soul sister...

The world is full of so many sorts of annoying people. Some people just really annoy you to your very core, though. How do they do that? I mean, perhaps they should be commended for annoying you so thoroughly. It takes a lot for a person to have absolutely no redeeming qualities, right?

It's like that Train song. I have such an intense hatred of that song. I hear it about twenty trillion times a day and I hate it every single time. I feel like I am living in a Cialis commercial. But shouldn't I give Train some credit for creating something so loathsome? I mean, obviously someone loves it or else every radio station wouldn't play it all day every day. It's like it's our collective background music right now. Does it describe the general mood of the nation? Wholesome? Happy? Plucky little guitar strings. Hey, soul sister! Oh man, cringe. It makes me want to bang my head against a wall.

Now, the constant inclusion of this song in my life--what is its effect? Does it make me a happier person because I can focus my negative energy solely on this one thing that I hate? Or am I a more hateful person because it is constantly pulling me down into the depths? Does hating one thing a lot make you just generally hate? I don't know. I have been rather irritable this week.

Oh, now here comes someone that annoys me. If he says "signage" one more time, I could snap. Now, if Train were playing RIGHT NOW... Would I be more or less annoyed with him repeatedly saying "signage" like it makes him cool?

Why do teenagers think that arguing with you and saying they're an adult will make them seem more adult?

Why do people insist on going through a door with a silent alarm that they've been repeatedly asked not to go through?

Well, I know the answer to that...Because otherwise they'd have to walk an extra 30 feet.

I don't know, I didn't mean to write a blog where I just complained. And yet here I am.

I've been working on a rather lengthy blog to tell you about Andrew Jackson. You may not even know that you care about Andrew Jackson yet. But I've got about 1000 words on what a badass he is and I'm not even up to his Presidency yet. So look for that in the month of April. That's the optimistic guess.

Tomorrow the sun has decided to elude me so it looks like Laguna Beach Season 1, Disc 1; The Last Song; and outlet shopping for me! Punctuation be damned!

And if you're the person who is requesting that damn Train song then please, I beg of you, stop. I might even rather hear that Michael Buble song. No, no I wouldn't. I suppose there's always a worse thing.

tis the season for scammers

Yesterday, I stopped a scam from happening. It is not the first time that I have thwarted a scam and it probably won't be the last. It seems lately that more people are trying to scam us here and it really bothers me. I don't know how people don't feel bad.

I mean, the fact that we are a non-profit and its wrong to steal aside, these people are usually people that I remember because they talked me. Don't you feel bad scamming poor little innocent me, Scammers? On that same note, it makes me more angry that I stood there and acted interested in what this person was saying when I really thought that they were batshit crazy.
Its been a while since we had any change artists. They're easy to spot because its usually a person that looks like they just shuffled in from OTR and they've got a big bill. What's more is they are trying to buy something that costs less than a dollar with their bill. Its really satisfying to thwart them. If it weren't for my Customer Service gene, I would probably ask them how dumb they think I am. It usually goes like this--
Change Artist: Can you break a $100?
Me: Sure.
CA: Can you check to make sure?
Me: I'm sure.
Then they proceed to try and trip me up with several different requests. They want 5 20's, while you're doing that they ask for four quarters for a dollar, then they give you back the 20's and ask for something different back. I could see how it would work to confuse you but the trick is that you can't let them control what you're doing. The guy tries to hand me a dollar while I am getting the 5 20's, its not happening. He's gotta wait until I get the $100 taken care of and then I will move onto the next step. I really do this just so that I don't get confused, but it also keeps change artists from purposely confusing you. Also, you've got to watch what you have and what he has. If you know you gave him the right amount and he tries to tell you otherwise, then you have to say, "I know what I gave you, I'll have to count down the drawer to check." Trust me, dude is not gonna wait around while you count down all your money. He'll leave you to move onto another cashier, this is why the last step is to sound the alarm! You've gotta call anyone else you work with and warn them that this dude is about. Your smarts don't matter if some other idiot gets taken.

Here is a new scam (for here anyway) that we've been getting this holiday season. Person pays using a check and then the check is mysteriously gone at the end of the day. It becomes pretty evident that the person must've taken the check because they never call to see why you haven't cashed their check, like a normal person would do.

We also have been getting people paying with checks, then trying to return the merchandise before their check clears. Then---shocker! The check bounces! Unfortunately, twice now they have been allowed to do this here. Thankfully it seems to have gotten through their heads that people are doing this on purpose.

How does this happen? Is it people that grew up in an environment where stealing was ok? That would appear to be the case with the change artists. But the check scammers seem like normal people. How are they not eaten up with guilt? Do you try it once and it works and you don't see a consequence so it snowballs? Or is it people that are struggling through the holidays and its a one-time thing? I don't get it. I would be so eaten up with guilt. You know the cashier gets in trouble. It could cost them their job. As a non-profit, we do receive tax-payer money. Granted this isn't the money that buys the merchandise, but its still, in a way, stealing from yourself.
Well, motives aside, people are low on money this holiday season. They've decided the solution is scamming--theft. Its really gross. So look out for scammers and be sure to bust them. And if anyone you know is talking about doing it or doing it, be sure and let them know how gross they are. And so ends what has turned into a PSA. But, seriously, it really frosts my cookies. Cut it out.

do what now?

It seems the more time I have on my hands, the less time I find to blog. Peculiar.

I still don't have time to blog at the moment. Works almost through and I'll be damned if I waste a single minute getting out of here as quickly as possible. It makes me nostalgic for high school. I also just had a dramatified conversation with my grandmother on the phone. I don't know if you know this, but I am an awful person. Because I am not a victim and lack sympathy for other victims, I am the scum of the earth. This is, I should add, as far as my grandmother is concerned. Where I once was a treasured favorite, now that I am no longer a helpless child, I am all tarnished and icky and no one knows if they should touch me or not. No, I have not been to visit my sick aunt thus I am the worst person ever. Nevermind anything I had to do. Nevermind the last time I did. No, it is black and white, friends. You visit her and you're good; you do not visit her so you're terrible. Bonus points if you make Grandma cry when you tell her that you didn't have time.

Thank goodness I have my mother or I may never have avoided the tears that threatened to rear their ugly heads in the worst possible venue. They're just her crazy in-laws. Family can be just as terrible as it is wonderful. And for the same reason, no less. They'll always be there for you no matter what. But what about all the times you have to be there for them? And the lovely way that the people who get what they want are the people that are the worst. "We want to go on vacation, but the vacation that you took all the time to carefully plan and are paying for SUCKS! No, I don't want to plan it myself. I want you to plan and purchase a vacation that specifically I will enjoy and forget about everyone else!" That situation is happening on my mother's side of the family right now and its going to cost us going on a vacation at all because the Cleveland-ers have decided that the cruise my fake grandmother planned out with her travel agent and is eating the cost of (she's not even related to us!!) is not something they are interested in. So do we say, "Ok, have a good summer, we'll send you a postcard"? No, apparently we say, "Alright, where do you want to go?"

Families have got to be the most complex, messy, awful, terrible things in the world. A bunch of people who don't necessarily have the same values or beliefs or feelings all stuck together for life. Don't get me wrong, I love my family. But I have had a very rude awakening over the past few years. I learned that not everyone is there for you when you really need it. More importantly, I've learned that my mother, absolutely, 100%, without fail, is.

Sometimes a person isn't there for you when you need it and you can't seem to find the time to visit them when they're sick.

Sometimes explaining all that to Grandma would be telling her a year's worth of things that she doesn't want to hear.

Sometimes not being a doormat makes you the bad guy.

Sometimes you're much worse off because of your family.

Sometimes you have to watch people you love do horrible, awful things but you aren't allowed to stop loving them.

Well, this is one of those specials blogs that's rendered me unable to think of any sort of conclusion that isn't the most depressing thing you've ever heard. I'll just leave it at that. Coming soon---Eclipse book review, Twilight movie review (find out where I laughed inappropriately!) and my experience with salvia.