supercalifragicorrection

I was out to dinner the other night when a friend commented that perhaps Mary Poppins (the Broadway show) followed the books instead of the movie. We both agreed this didn't sound very Disney-like. Lo and behold, that is the case after all. I looked up a plot synopsis on Wikipedia and, sure enough, Act I follows the first book and Act II follows the second book.

This really explains a lot. All of the changes don't seem nearly as random or odd. But at the same time, I don't understand this decision. Surely the majority of people going to this show are like me and expect something closer to the film. Of course, the film doesn't lend itself easily to the stage. But if anyone can figure it out, it's Disney. Their sets are phenomenal, state-of-the-art. I mean, seriously, if you can adapt the freaking Lion King to the stage than you can do anything.

If anything, this just adds a bit to my disappointment. But, then again, Disney isn't very good at knowing what I want from it's stage shows. Every now and then they really hit the mark. The rest of the time you get Tarzan and that awful Finding Nemo thing in Animal Kingdom. Which, of course, has the coolest puppets that I have ever seen on a fabulous set. With lyrics written by a 5 year-old. "This is really bad/I miss my dad..."

But, I digress. This makes Mrs. Corry and Miss Andrews and the Heavens all less random but still as perplexing. I don't think all of the Disney Magic in the world can save this one.

Ah! The master! step in time...

Last night, I went to see Mary Poppins at the Aronoff Center. I must say, I was disappointed with it.

I think I always have issues seeing shows that have movie versions that I like. Little Shop of Horrors, for instance. Mary Poppins was the same way but I think it had a lot more issues.
The saying "let's not reinvent the wheel" is uttered around here quite a bit and I think it applies to this show. They made an awful lot of changes adapting it and I think they were largely unnecessary.

The majority, if not all, of the songs are shortened or changed, seemingly just for the sake of changing them. I went there expecting the hear all the familiar tunes but it left something lacking not hearing them as they were in the film, granted a lack of Julie Andrews is probably much more damaging than that.

In the movie, they have the whole trippy horse scene with the animated penguins and so on. My mother and I were very curious how they would do this on stage. It was replaced with a scene where statues in the park come to life. They were dancers in skintight statue-colored catsuits with leaves covering their not-visible-under-the-catsuit---erm--private parts. It was a pretty neat idea and really the only change that worked for me.

Later on for "Supercalifragilistic..." they go into this weirdo Tim Burton candy shop place that appears in the park and is run by a woman with a Seuss-ian green braid that stuck straight into the air. Mary Poppins spells out the word with some candy letters? Yeah...It was weird. I don't know how things like this make it out of the board room or wherever they are born. The dancing for this song was phenomenal, though. Good enough, I think, to make up for the bizarre-ness of the candy shop and its drag queen-esque staff.

Mr. and Mrs. Banks sort of weigh the whole show down. Mrs. Banks tries unsuccessfully to throw a tea party and no one comes and...that's that. It was yet another part that seemed clunky and thrown in and didn't really seem to have a purpose. No women's suffrage here. Mr. Banks is less the hilariously uptight patriarch and more a deeply damaged and wholly unpleasant man. When he finally asks his son to fly a kite with him, it somehow lacked the sincerity and sweetness it does in the film. The stage show also adds "Holy Terror" Miss Andrews, Mr. Banks' childhood nanny who gets shouldered with the blame for all of his problems. Again, she seems thrown in---an afterthought. Why is she there? Comic relief, I suppose? She was funny; I'll give her that.

In the show, the Banks have a cook and a male housekeeper. They are obviously meant to be comic relief but...not so much. I don't know who to blame for this, really. They had a lot of broad physical comedy, falling into dishes and the like, and it was just not well executed. For example, at one point he goes inexplicably reeling towards a table and awkwardly slams his fists on either side, making the table split in half. The only reason I can imagine that he would do this is because he is an actor in a play and they got this great stunt table that splits in half and that's what the director told him to do. It was just so awkward. Again, I couldn't figure out if it was the blocking or the actor. Possibly both.

Mary Poppins was good, not great. I'm fairly certain we had the understudy. She definitely had the character down, so it leaves one wondering if the script is really more to blame.

The big stand-out of the night was Burt. He was absolutely fantastic. If I could replace Dick van Dyke with that actor, the film would be perfect. That is how good he was. Like a dancing Atlas, he carries the entire show on his capable shoulders. Could you sing while hanging upside down, fifty feet in the air? This guy effing can. I could gush and gush and gush about him. I even had my pen and Playbill ready in case he was out with a Broadway Cares bucket. I may even say that its worth seeing the show just to watch this guy. He is what you go to see.

The thing that really bothered me throughout was the plot. Disney just really isn't too good at the whole Broadway thing (Lion King of course being the exception). It didn't flow and I found myself confused several times. Unnecessary additions and awkward exclusions abounded. In the end, they go up into the Heavens? And then Mary Poppins tells Michael that he won't go there again for a long time? What is that about?? Really weird. All the children's toys come to life and complain about how badly they are treated. Then Mary Poppins leaves with them right before intermission. What? Who wrote this, an eight year-old? It also ran three hours long, which contradicts all the additions that seemed to be for kids' sake.

Overall, I'd say see it out of curiosity if you'd like but a night in watching the DVD is more enjoyable. I know there are probably a lot of people screaming at me through the computer for comparing it to the movie like that but all the stage show made me want to do was watch it.

(Oh, and when we left, we were standing at the valet desk and a woman said, "I had the Land Rover but I don't think you gave me a ticket for it." And so I said, "Oh yes, I had the Lexus but you didn't give me a ticket either." I was being hilarious but she seriously looked at me like I just took a dump right there on her shoes. Even my mom agreed that she was a bitch.)

And they removed "What's all this?! What's all this!!" from "Step in Time". Which is my very favorite part. And no bank run! You see? I just can't stop comparing it to the film. Well, there you have my humble opinion. And you didn't even have to ask.

HEY! Soul sister...

The world is full of so many sorts of annoying people. Some people just really annoy you to your very core, though. How do they do that? I mean, perhaps they should be commended for annoying you so thoroughly. It takes a lot for a person to have absolutely no redeeming qualities, right?

It's like that Train song. I have such an intense hatred of that song. I hear it about twenty trillion times a day and I hate it every single time. I feel like I am living in a Cialis commercial. But shouldn't I give Train some credit for creating something so loathsome? I mean, obviously someone loves it or else every radio station wouldn't play it all day every day. It's like it's our collective background music right now. Does it describe the general mood of the nation? Wholesome? Happy? Plucky little guitar strings. Hey, soul sister! Oh man, cringe. It makes me want to bang my head against a wall.

Now, the constant inclusion of this song in my life--what is its effect? Does it make me a happier person because I can focus my negative energy solely on this one thing that I hate? Or am I a more hateful person because it is constantly pulling me down into the depths? Does hating one thing a lot make you just generally hate? I don't know. I have been rather irritable this week.

Oh, now here comes someone that annoys me. If he says "signage" one more time, I could snap. Now, if Train were playing RIGHT NOW... Would I be more or less annoyed with him repeatedly saying "signage" like it makes him cool?

Why do teenagers think that arguing with you and saying they're an adult will make them seem more adult?

Why do people insist on going through a door with a silent alarm that they've been repeatedly asked not to go through?

Well, I know the answer to that...Because otherwise they'd have to walk an extra 30 feet.

I don't know, I didn't mean to write a blog where I just complained. And yet here I am.

I've been working on a rather lengthy blog to tell you about Andrew Jackson. You may not even know that you care about Andrew Jackson yet. But I've got about 1000 words on what a badass he is and I'm not even up to his Presidency yet. So look for that in the month of April. That's the optimistic guess.

Tomorrow the sun has decided to elude me so it looks like Laguna Beach Season 1, Disc 1; The Last Song; and outlet shopping for me! Punctuation be damned!

And if you're the person who is requesting that damn Train song then please, I beg of you, stop. I might even rather hear that Michael Buble song. No, no I wouldn't. I suppose there's always a worse thing.

blog for the sake of blog

I took some time to read back through my old blog entries and I have to say that I don't quite understand why I am not famous yet. I mean, this is good quality stuff, guys. Guys? Anybody?

So work got kinda busy and I lost my steam with the whole writing book reviews thing but I never stopped reading. I read a Pat Robertson book, that was an adventure I really should've taken you on with me. I apologize. I actually bought the book from the $3 Book Warehouse in Georgia so perhaps I will revisit it sometime for that purpose.

Right now I am reading several books. One is about the segregation in the school systems in America and I've nicely balanced that with another $3 Book Warehouse pick called Hard America, Soft America by Michael Barone. It reads like a never-ending essay that you're peer-editing. Its funny, this was another book I didn't realize was a Conservative book until after I started reading it. I always have this moment of, "Hey, wait a minute!" And then I read the author bio and it all falls into place. Its basically about how there's Hard America and Soft America and Hard America is what we need. Then he takes whatever he is talking about (justice system, welfare, education, war, etc.) and spins it so the best way is the Conservative way which is also Hard. Sometimes bureaucracies are good, sometimes they aren't. It all depends on who created them. Its a tangled web of "Huh??". But ok, Barone. If you say so.

I got into a debate with my richy-rich Conservative grandfather over dinner the other night. He just baits me and baits me until I can't take it anymore. I kept my mouth shut all the way until the coffee was served. But guess what? I won. For once, for the first time, for the first ever ever ever time, I totally won. I knew all his talking points, I knew all the facts, I trapped him and he knew it. And he had this crazy gleam in his eye--he liked it. He knew it was on like for realz this time. Its good to know that I can hold my own with those guys now. I've come a long way, baby!

Ok, while we're having a chat, let's talk TV. Let's talk Ricky Gervais show, actually. So I am to believe that this show is a big hit? Really? I like Ricky Gervais as much as the next gal but you cannot computer animate a podcast and call it a show and expect me to like it. Its not the same thing as a TV show. Which is what I want to watch when I am watching...TV. Yeah. Get it? Got it? I don't know. I get bored. I find it annoying and maybe even a bit cumbersome. It plods along like a great square tire made of stone. Plomp. Boosh. Plomp. Oh ok, there was something funny. Plomp. Not worth sitting through all that plomping.

Let's hear it for all my trashy shows, though! 90210, Melrose Place and Gossip Girl have really been spot-on so far this spring. Just the kind of trashy ridiculousness that I desire from them. Annie is totally going to steal Liam from Naomi. Rumer Willis made Adrianna a lesbian. The new neighbor is cutting open corpses and looking sketchball. Ella is getting framed by Heather Locklear. Jenny is gonna steal Nate from Serena. Life is good.

Well anyway, I guess I haven't really got anything more to say. Maybe if I led a more thrilling life I would be inclined to write more. Or maybe I wouldn't. Damned if I'll ever know. Word to you and yours.

black and white

She definitely wasn't real. But she felt real. She felt as alive as she had the day she was born, but real? Not her. Of course, you must be a bit confused and far be if from me to suggest a history course. For all I know you're an expert in medieval wars or something like that. You could be. You can be anything you want. Unless, of course, you are not real. Then you can be anything you want except for real. It's not as bad as it sounds. She's not perfect. She's not plastic. In a crowd, she's just part of it. But the sperm and the egg that created her were created by a woman in a lab coat. Laws specified that she must be a random mix of desirable traits. And that she was. This for that and that for this. The world has no place for superheroes. The time for fortitude has passed. Anonimity rules. The new world motto reads: "I didn't do it". A name known is a name smeared. You can't make a mistake if you don't exist.
Her great great grandma told her fascinating stories about the outdoors and about "seeing" things but they lost their hold when she lost her childish imagination. She can't seem to comprehend why anyone would want to "see" when they could see anything they wanted right there in their home. She could count on her fingers how many times "fresh air" had reached her lungs. It was an effort to breath it in compared to the air they were accustomed to breathing. Leaves and trees and beaches and animals were just as lovely when you made them yourself. In fact, they were better.
Real and fake, truth and lie, good and bad. Her great great grandma spoke of these distinctions as though it was all that easy. The older she got, the less she understood her old relative's explainations. She listened patiently to her shaky and deliberate words, but couldn't seem to find a context for them in reality. This, she decided, was because reality had changed. As she watched the old woman take in her last breath, she noted how hard to detect any difference was. There she was, in the same old spot with the same old look on her face and the same old smell. But she was dead.
That was the truth. Any way you looked at it, she was dead. The girl wondered if she would die someday, too. Or perhaps when that time came, even death would cease to be so black and white.

tis the season for scammers

Yesterday, I stopped a scam from happening. It is not the first time that I have thwarted a scam and it probably won't be the last. It seems lately that more people are trying to scam us here and it really bothers me. I don't know how people don't feel bad.

I mean, the fact that we are a non-profit and its wrong to steal aside, these people are usually people that I remember because they talked me. Don't you feel bad scamming poor little innocent me, Scammers? On that same note, it makes me more angry that I stood there and acted interested in what this person was saying when I really thought that they were batshit crazy.
Its been a while since we had any change artists. They're easy to spot because its usually a person that looks like they just shuffled in from OTR and they've got a big bill. What's more is they are trying to buy something that costs less than a dollar with their bill. Its really satisfying to thwart them. If it weren't for my Customer Service gene, I would probably ask them how dumb they think I am. It usually goes like this--
Change Artist: Can you break a $100?
Me: Sure.
CA: Can you check to make sure?
Me: I'm sure.
Then they proceed to try and trip me up with several different requests. They want 5 20's, while you're doing that they ask for four quarters for a dollar, then they give you back the 20's and ask for something different back. I could see how it would work to confuse you but the trick is that you can't let them control what you're doing. The guy tries to hand me a dollar while I am getting the 5 20's, its not happening. He's gotta wait until I get the $100 taken care of and then I will move onto the next step. I really do this just so that I don't get confused, but it also keeps change artists from purposely confusing you. Also, you've got to watch what you have and what he has. If you know you gave him the right amount and he tries to tell you otherwise, then you have to say, "I know what I gave you, I'll have to count down the drawer to check." Trust me, dude is not gonna wait around while you count down all your money. He'll leave you to move onto another cashier, this is why the last step is to sound the alarm! You've gotta call anyone else you work with and warn them that this dude is about. Your smarts don't matter if some other idiot gets taken.

Here is a new scam (for here anyway) that we've been getting this holiday season. Person pays using a check and then the check is mysteriously gone at the end of the day. It becomes pretty evident that the person must've taken the check because they never call to see why you haven't cashed their check, like a normal person would do.

We also have been getting people paying with checks, then trying to return the merchandise before their check clears. Then---shocker! The check bounces! Unfortunately, twice now they have been allowed to do this here. Thankfully it seems to have gotten through their heads that people are doing this on purpose.

How does this happen? Is it people that grew up in an environment where stealing was ok? That would appear to be the case with the change artists. But the check scammers seem like normal people. How are they not eaten up with guilt? Do you try it once and it works and you don't see a consequence so it snowballs? Or is it people that are struggling through the holidays and its a one-time thing? I don't get it. I would be so eaten up with guilt. You know the cashier gets in trouble. It could cost them their job. As a non-profit, we do receive tax-payer money. Granted this isn't the money that buys the merchandise, but its still, in a way, stealing from yourself.
Well, motives aside, people are low on money this holiday season. They've decided the solution is scamming--theft. Its really gross. So look out for scammers and be sure to bust them. And if anyone you know is talking about doing it or doing it, be sure and let them know how gross they are. And so ends what has turned into a PSA. But, seriously, it really frosts my cookies. Cut it out.

in which there is, perhaps, tmi

Its that time again. I haven't got a tale to tell, so here are some rolling thoughts as I check out the latest news (as I am working). For the record, I have been alone for a very long time, so I thought it was safe to let one go, and then customers came in, and they left very quickly. And its kind of funny. But not very ladylike.

My issue with giving KSM a trial is that we didn't follow our own fucking laws so how can we win such a trial? I don't know, I need someone smarter to ask questions about this. I happened to catch them talking about it on Joy Behar last night. I've never watched her show before, but it seemed really inane and I am no smarter than I was before I flipped to channel 10. Come on, NPR. I need you to come through here. I like Julie Andrews as much as the next gal, but I'd rather get this all hashed out.

Like, seriously, Julie Andrews is doing a cow voice right now.

Here's a weird one--I've noticed recently that I flatten my tongue to the back of my bottom teeth. Sort of bend it down and press it against them. I do it when I'm falling asleep and now I've noticed myself doing it idly. And it feels weird and I wanna stop. Is this a symptom of some lethal underlying illness? I'll never know.

Why won't AT&T just face the fact that their coverage sucks? It does! Everything about AT&T sucks. Quit crying and fix it or face the consequences.

Oh my god... Oh my giddy god... Palin/Beck 2012?? Oh please, yes. They can't win, right? Its safe, right? It would just be funny, right?? Although I saw a rather unnerving channel 12 poll the other night..Granted it wasn't closed for another hour when I saw it but the question was, "Who is more qualified to run for President, Palin or Clinton?" And Palin was WINNING. Not by a lot but still. Cincinnati, you suck. It didn't even say "Who would you vote for?" It asked who was more QUALIFIED. That doesn't even need to be asked, really.

Okie dokie, well, my replacement is here, so that's all for today. I shall try to write more in hopes that someday someone will read it. Good day.